Slow and steady wins the race.
That is the famous and infamous line from the old tale of The Tortoise and the Hare. And that is the philosophy that AllSquare shall continue to adopt.
As we sit here writing this, there is chaos, bad weather, a dog barking incessantly and a loud television in the next room. But we are working anyway. “We” are one human being with multiple personalities in his head. Most of the time, we use the “I” pronoun. And we don’t mind explaining this over and over again.
AllSquare is made up of Panther, Peacock, Camel and Lion and many others. And there is also Tortoise. They all have different personalities and different functions. Peacock, for instance is a British actor and wanted to call us the “Peacock” system once upon a time. He was overruled. He has come to understand that we are AllSquare Circle Temple Multiple Personality system and he sees why. Tortoise has the function of keeping us going, but at a steady and reasonable pace. We refuse to hurry, even though a master might wish to enslave us and beat us into running faster and harder to make him more and more money.
We did not have to write this today. AllSquare could have gone back to bed and just given up because of all the noise and disturbance in the house. But here we are. Because slow and steady wins the race.
A friend let us bum a cigarette off him earlier. We know that smoking weakens the body. But we had gone 17 days without a drag from one and we felt like maybe it would be okay to indulge. It’s probably not okay. But at least we are rethinking our plan to buy a pack of 305’s when we get paid tomorrow morning. There is a counter in our phone that lets us know how long it has been since we had a smoke and we just reset it back to zero. Zero days and counting. We will see how long we can go.
Right now, we are working on this blog. This magazine. And that means overcoming avolition. You see, our diagnosis is not multiple personalities. That was something that we came up with to explain things.
Our real diagnosis is schizophrenia.
And that includes a severe lack of ambition. That’s what they say anyway. These days, we have a continuous weird headache and no money for coffee. Getting things done is an uphill battle. There is always the autistic feeling that we simply cannot concentrate when there is too much noise or agitation or bright light or other intense stimuli.
But here we are, writing anyway.
Because slow and steady wins the race.
I don’t know who we are racing against or where we are going. It just seems like every action makes us more tired and more uneasy.
The main reason I do this magazine is because of my mental health. There is a lot of evil going around in the world, demanding that everyone do things according to the wishes of the King of America. There is no King of America, but he does not know that and does not want to accept it.
This magazine is part of the rebellion against that king.
Yes, I receive a disability check. So a lot of what King Wannabe does concerns me. It seems like he could break something that I depend on tomorrow or even later today.
But that is my motivation to keep going. You see, I think he hates people like me just because I am different. But different from what? Does he have some perfect mensch in mind that everyone should be like if they do not want to get deported? Or worse? I refuse to look anything more like a friend of his than I absolutely have to, based on my skin tone and my gender.
It’s bad enough trying to get by in a world that was built for the rich and strong to get richer and stronger. I am just trying to take time out every day to find a little joy, make a little love and give the middle finger to the king, who wants to defecate all over anyone who does not worship him.
I refuse and my system refuses to worship the king.
This magazine is not going to be a gear in the machine that makes powerful, cruel men more deluded about reality.
As for me and my house, we will serve the common good.
Leave a Reply